Lately there has just been a lot of noise in my life. Some are external, such as the construction happening outside of my window, and the whining of my cat after she lost her sister, while other are internal, self-doubt and fear about the uncertainty of the future really cloud the clarity of my inner vision. God has always told us, be still and we would hear him.
Today I had a hectic morning. My morning sleep was rudely disrupted by an incoming email, which contains an urgent request for a book in my holding. Something in me knew that I had to look for it, and given that it needs to be handed over as soon as possible, I jumped up from my bed and dash into my car to start my search for the book. I had to drive up and down the street a few times between my lab and home during a frantic search, all while my brain is barely booting up. At the same time I had to pop in at home to wait for the cable guy to come and install our Internet. I have texted and driven in order to broaden the search effort. As I am writing this, the search for this mystical textbook continues.
So here I was: tired, half awake, frustrated, and worried. (the textbook is the only copy our lab has) And above all, annoyed. I was annoyed at the fact that this morning is just adding on to more noise to my life, when there is already too much interference. At that moment, I was on the brink of blowing up.
Between the destinations, I finally found a moment to get back to my routine, which is to get my morning coffee at the Starbucks. So I parked at a spot near the entrance and quickly went in and got my coffee. Just as I was about to pull out of the lot, and a taxi swiveled in and parked right behind me, and honked, then got out of the car and went inside Starbucks.
WTF?! The dude wasn’t parking at a real spot, and he didn’t check who he block, and disappears. I was about to blow up and my hand was reaching for the horn and release all my frustration on this deuch cabbie. But then, for some reason, I waited instead, while I waited, a sense of peace has flown into me. I watch behind me to where the cab is parked, behind it appears the cab driver with a blind lady, she was walking with the guide dog and a stick. The cab driver helped her along the car and into the seat with so much kindness and gentleness. I can tell the lady was beaming at the act of kindness from this cab driver.
I was thinking, “damn I was so close to ruining it for her and ruin the rest of the day for myself.” I was so caught up with my own trouble that I did not consider anyone else’s problem. The cab had to park in the front so that the lady doesn’t have to walk so far, and the cab maybe had to honk because the lady probably did not have the vision to see that the car is here. Had I punch the horn in my car, I would not only seem like a jerk, but also dispense my anxiety to innocent others.
I was not sure what and who has held me back from blowing up, but I can tell you if there is a shred of gentleness left in me in that moment, it has to be coming from the Holy Spirit inside me, because the human side of me would have done the very ugly thing.
They say sometimes God speaks to you in the slightest way. I felt like I was spoken to. It feels really nice and reassuring, knowing that there is something good and gentle that no bad situation can take away. I feel happy again :)